It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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