we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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