Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize