Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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