why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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