the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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