Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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