He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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