thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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