Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize