Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Text me some of your sweat
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize