I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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