we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize