The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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