you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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