I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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