a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
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I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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