Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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