I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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