Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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