ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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