Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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