I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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