I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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