Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize