i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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