somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize