ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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