We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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