You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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