Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize