Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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