his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize