I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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