apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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