there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry about my life...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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