Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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