Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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