This girl is more easily done than said...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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