I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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