my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You left your phone here
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