just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize