he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
that may or may not have been my penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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