So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize