i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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