i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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