I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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