I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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