also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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