If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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